Tuesday, April 27, 2004

.:Tuesday.27th of April.into the fourth week of easter:.period.

Today was a really reflective day, in a sense. The events of this day made me reflect and think about the things around me, the things that matter to me and also about the things that really do not matter to me. Somehow or rather, I felt that today’s GP session made me see things in a rather clearer light or perhaps it helped me understand certain concepts and things that I could not actually see in our society.

We were talking or should I say discussing about the values of our society (Singapore). There were many things that made me wonder. From the different presentations from the different groups, each group gave different articles/materials taken from Singaporean produced publications e.g. from magazines like 8 days, Cohesion – by North West CDC, Spotlight brochures, articles on smart chips, articles on how we should increase the quality of beauty pageant participants by increasing the incentive, making the prize money larger, so more talented people would want to join the event, etc.

I will not dwell into the aspects of this lesson now as I’m really tired now. All I want to put down is whatever I reflected on the way home today..

With many things looming over my head or should I say shoulders, e.g. like the SATS which is coming on the 8th of May, Chinese AO’ Level on the 31st of May, a lot of things are worrying me now. That includes my family stuff, etc.

Sometimes I wonder what Life brings for me, what does God want me to do in life? Many times I ask myself these questions, many a times I wonder about the answer and many a times, in the haze of all the stuff that’s going around me, I forget all my own formulated answers and become all depressed again. I may not look too depressed to anyone coz’ I don’t show it. I only like to stay in the toilet and wonder and wonder and wonder and on it goes. Sometimes when I get angry or sad or whatever, I just put a smile on my face. It’s been getting torturous, but I enjoy doing it coz’ when you do it, it just warms you up and makes you forget about all your miseries. But when your miseries get too heavy and your burdens become mountains, and when your going gets tough, you somehow seem to forget smiling. I hope I will NEVER forget to smile. Some people say money makes the world go round, but I would like to say its not money, it’s the acts that you do for another person and that’s what counts.

My patron saint, St. Therese of Liseux said, I can do nothing, but just to show my love and care in very simple ways .. or something to that extent. (you can read about her in one of my previous entries) Perhaps that’s my calling. Kindness in simple ways.

Going back to the point of GP today, I just remembered that we did an article on kindness, written by a Maria Lau, saying something like our competitive world doesn’t give any opportunities for us to show empathy. I think whatever she said was Wrong! In what way do we not show kindness? I won’t bring up the point about how much Singaporeans give to charities, as I feel too much has already been dealt with by many people. I still strongly feel that showing empathy can be done in SMALL ways. Even in our competitive society of which I’m a part and of course, I’m sure you too play a part, we still try to help people in every single way possible. SMALL words/actions can speak LOUDLY to a person. Small and simple deeds, by say offering your help to help your friend hold her stuff when her hands are full and she needs to do something, offering whatever little bit you have for the betterment of others. I wouldn’t mind giving up my beloved fisherman’s friend lozenges to my friends in class, if it helps them keep awake and be better able to listen to the teacher, why NOT? Its just a small act, giving and wanting nothing back in return. That’s part of LIFE.  to me perhaps. But again, how many are willing to do it? Giving your time to LISTEN to the problems of a friend, maybe she just needs to air her feelings, her emotions would help a person go a long long way. You learn more about why people are feeling this way, you reap the rewards of such an act. In the end, what you get is a better understanding of yourself as a person TOWARDS others and also how other people might feel or react to any situation, be it a quarrel with their boyfriends/girlfriends, a scuffle with his/her sibling, a death of close friends, a happy end to something wrong in their lives, In the end, you get to see things from a different point of view, from a different point of thought, from a different mind, and thus the more you listen, the more you might be able to help the other party. You get a different view about the way people in society think and feel. The more you see, the more you hear, the more you experience, and when you do all that, and have gained the knowledge, wouldn’t you want to share it with others. But writing that, I feel as if I’m assuming that everyone is thinking like me. (STILL, it is just some of my ideas and notions about how to justify that everyone is capable of a little kindness in our society. A smile won’t hurt. That’s what I learnt.)

Next, my GP Tutor brought up another topic, there was this essay topic years back regarding something like “Michael Jackson is paid far more than nurses…” or something like that. I’ll post my thoughts about it sometime soon. Anyway what do you think about it? Perhaps you could all just give some small comments in the tag board if you ever come by this blog…

Hahaz. I would have probably bored you with too many of my thoughts … actually I reflected a little more and have more things to say but really I’m tired! And I guess you all are too.. (=P after reading this) ..=)

God Bless you all Folks!

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us those who have recoursed to thee.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

.:Sunday.11th of April.EASTER:.

YAY! Easter is FINALLY here.

I have been anxiously waiting for it yet I still don't know the reason why. =)

I played for mass today, everything was nice and smooth, no hiccups no nothing. =) YaY! The songs were also very well sung. esp. the one, Rise up with Him. One day I will upload the midi files I have on those songs we sing in mass... it would be quite awesome. haha as an afterthought, thought i would write this down..Fr. Phil was celebrating the mass today. I would also like to remember that =)

Then since it was Easter !! We had a FEAST at Pizza Hut.. It was the best Easter i have ever had in ages .. the pizza was delicious ( the double ring crust one ) and the company was amazingly exciting today .. mum and dad were so fun to be with .. not that they are not fun to be with at all .. it was just .. different the feeling today =) and as usual, my sis and me KEPT thinking about the same things over and over again ..
Then I came home and DiD work again. .. That's just my life these days .. work work and work .. but its alright .. at least i know this work is for the betterment of my future even though sometimes it can get very very torturous sitting down alone in the room late at night trying to understand the concepts, struggling through the tutorials and thinking about someone all in one short. Thinking and thinking and thinking! -- as usual, my mental faculties is always split up into too many parts... i should consider compartmentalizing my thoughts.. haha what an idea! ...

o YA i also redid the council website .. check it out.. erm i mean i ll put up the hyperlink on this site one of these days .. when mr. Yeo puts up the new link..

period. I will end here. Put up more on a later date.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

-+=rAcH.AnNe.TeO=+- Just made a Wish and blew out the Candles .. Take Care PeEpS!

and the wish IS ? ... *guess* =)

Friday, April 09, 2004

.:Friday.9th of April.GOOD FRIDAY.2 Days to Easter:.Period
Today I had a really memorable day! and I won't want to forget this day ever, on the Celebration of the Lord's passion. So bear with me, cos i will never want to forget it. Maybe its the day I experienced a spiritual renewal...I HOPE.

I tried so hard to wake up this morning. With all the body aches and perhaps that nice wonderful dream I just couldnt pull myself out of the soft warm and cosy bed. =) or perhaps it was because I stayed up so late the night before just to read the CITY OF GOD, a book by Venerable Mary of Agreda, the book I was talking about in my previous blog session .. even the calls of my mater and pater, that's latin for mother and father.. couldnt get me out of the bed. Even the usual cries of my faithful alarm clock couldnt even nudge me out of the bed.. Really am tired. My disgusting ankle is giving me a headache as usual. The ligament starts aching and aching ..and the whole foot gets pain after that. .. but never mind. I ll now bear in mind now to lift it up for all the souls in purgatory. shucks my sufferings are so insignificant yet im complaining! im sorry...i shall NOT do it again.

Seriously, after a long time trying to get out of the bed, I finally managed to pull myself out and went to get ready to watch the show "the PASSION of the CHrist" at my piano teacher's house. This was my second time that im watching the PAssion. When we reached the house, we said the rosary and also the Holy Hour devotion before we watched the show. It was as before, my tears dripped down bit by bit. The parts of the show where I really cried the most were the parts of the show when, There are many parts, the first part: When Mother Mary went to the place after Jesus was scourged to clean up the blood and the pieces of flesh that came off his most precious body during the scourging using the towels that Pontius Pilate's wife, Claudia gave her. The second part: When Jesus was scourged so terribly, it hurt me just to look at the screen. The executioners were terrible. I can still remember vividly the whole show. Such atrocities. If only they knew. IF only they knew. But come to think about it, if they knew,they wouldnt have punished and tortured Jesus Christ so terribly, then our sins wouldnt be expiated, then there would be no easter and no hope of salvation...The Third Part: When Jesus fell down from his cross the second time (if im not wrong), when Mother MAry had ran off from the crowd after asking the disciple John to show her a way that she could be nearer to her son(IN actual fact, frm the book the City of God, she actually asked her entourage of 150 angels to guide her and make her a way where she could get a glimpse of her son). There was a flashback where she remembered how Jesus fell when he was a small child as she saw Jesus stumble and with hands out stretched, she ran up to him and tried to embrace her son, our Lord, her Lord as she did when he was little and had just fell down. One thing i forgot to mention also taken from the City of God book was that the mystery of the passion was that Mother Mary suffered exactly what ever Jesus felt and suffered from the Last Supper, all the way to his death. She had asked God to allow her to do so. She suffered in her soul and her sorrow pierced her heart like a thousand of knives, or so I was told. She would not have survived if not for the grace given to her from above. Imagine the pain she felt as a MOTHER, her own flesh..in her own words "flesh of my flesh, Heart of my Heart.." .. The fourth part: When kindhearted and fearless Veronica offered to ease Jesus's sufferings by helping to dab his face with her veil. Our Lord gave her an imprint on her veil.--> Find out more about the Turin's Shroud. The Fifth Part: When the nails were pierced into his flesh when hammering HIM onto the Cross. The 6th part: When the loneliness of Jesus could be felt before he uttered his last words when he said "Eloi, Eloi, Lamasabbachini <-- I ll go check it out .. i THink i spelt it wrongly, it means My God My God why have you forsaken me?.

After the show we ate lunch with Kenneth and Angeline, I ate 2 slices of plain bread again. then daddy came by to pick us up after he left his office. We went home to fetch mummy as she was sleeping(She works nights) then we went off to church for the 3pm service.

We reached there early and had to wait for a carpark lot but it was all worthwhile as the prayer service was REALLY REALLY meaningful. After watching the Passion, and experiencing it, so to speak by watching the show(Mel Gibson did a spectacular Job) the mass became more meaningful to me. I ll explain it in detail later on in the days to come. (If u all want to know)

The priests prostrated themselves during the solemn procession into the church. The service was divided into 3 segments today as according to the Church's ancient tradition, Mass is not celebrated today. The 3 parts were the Liturgy of the Word, Veneration of the Cross and Holy Communion.

The liturgy: 1st and 2nd readings were about Jesus and his passion. THe responsorial Psalm: Father, into your hands, I commend my spirit. It was really meaningful. The most meaningful part of it all was the Gospel Reading. IT was on the Passion of the Lord according to John. though a rather long reading, it was by far the best, so to speak reading of all times. I remembered everything that occured during the show and it correlated to the gospel reading. Everything started to flow back into my head.. (Everything from the show at least) .. esp. this line from Pilate: WHAT IS THE TRUTH?
That's what I'd like to ask all of you and ask myself too.

The Veneration of the Cross was next: with the song BEHOLD THE WOOD.


Behold, Behold the Wood of the cross
On which is hung our salvation
O come let us adore

Verse 1:
Unless a grain of wheat shall fall
upon the ground and die, it shall
remain but a single grain and not give

Verse 2:
And when my hour of glory comes as all was meant to be,
You shall see me lifted up upon a TREE

Verse 3:
For there can be no greater love shown upon this land
than in the one who came to die that we might LIVE

Verse 4:
My father if it be your plan, this cup might pass my by,
yet let it happen as you will if I must DIE

Verse 5:
For surely he has borne our tears, is wounded by our sin, and
yet he opens not his mouth
that we might LIVE

Verse 6:
My body now is torn with pain, my friends have left and gone.
O loving father take my life into your hands..

I shall end here.period.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

.:Tues.6th April 2004.Holy Week.2 days to Holy Thurs:.period.
Not too bad a day I guess. I have been thinking about a lot of things lately, some depressing, some happy wonderful moments and thoughts...period.

Oh! I went to watch the Passion of the Christ on Sat. with my mother at Cine. The movie was wonderful, it made me totally emotional and almost weepy if you ask me.. Reading about the passion and actually trying to visuallize it from the book City of God, by Venerable Mary of Agreda (one of the books that Mel Gibson based this movie, the other by Catherine Emmerich, the Dolorous Passion of the Lord) was horrible enough, the movie made me feel really really touched. Touched in a sense, although I have heard this many times, Were we worthy enough for his sacrifice? look at the state of affairs in the world today.. look at it in an individual sense.. about your own sins and stuff. Are we that worthy? Jesus seems to think so. Or he wouldnt do a thing like that for ALL of us.

Alright for now. I' ll be watching it again on Gd Fri before the 3pm prayer in church.. More thoughts then .. Need to concentrate on school work now. the results haven't been that encourAging. =( ..

Take Care All. God Bless.
Rach =)

PS: This is the story of my sec's school's patron, St. Therese of Lisieux.

The story of Theresa Lisieux (1873- 1879)

Born Therese Martin in France in 1873, she was the youngest of five sisters, all of whom became nuns. She was only fifteen when she entered the Carmel at Lisieux where she was known as Therese of the Child Jesus. Nine years later, she was dead. At that time, no one knew of her existence except her immediate family and her Carmelite nuns.
But within a few more years, she was a household name. She had become "The Little Flower". She was keeping her deathbed promise to spend her heaven doing good on earth. In 1925, less than thirty years after her death, she was a canonized saint of the church, without question the most popular and best loved saint of the twentieth century.

What shattered her anonymity was the publication of her autobiography, written under obedience to her religious superiors. What gave it its enormous impact was the extraordinary spiritual insight she brought to a life that was by any standard ordinary. Her story was met with the shock of recognition and its companion, the awareness of possibility. "I may not be a contemplative nun" millions could and would say "but I do, like her, feel the pull of God. I am just one of the ‘little people’, but reading Theresa’s story, I know it’s okay for me to contemplate being a saint .a little saint."

All over the world ordinary readers came to recognize, accept, and develop their potential for sanctity by adopting what Therese called her "little way." At its heart this "little’ way of Therese’s spirituality is driven by a powerful metaphor. In our relationship with God we are very small children. We always will be. There is no need to be anything else. On the contrary, it is essential that we never try to be anything else.