The Prelude to Quid est caritas?
This is the sort of "prelude" to this set of writing. I have been working on it on a Word document so its quite messy. :P
This is going to take quite some time, I must admit. Partly because I have been a pile of lazy bones – almost literally, but mostly because, in all sincerity, I don’t know how to start this piece of writing that I seem to want to write. [refer to blog post almost 3 weeks ago – Caritas enim Christi urget nos. 2 Cor 5:14]
My heart feels and wants to say many things, often times I find it hard to express myself; I find it hard to find the right words to articulate what I truly feel and believe. But that is my problem not yours. There’s no need to bother you with the many horrible monstrosities of my life, after all, each has each own fair share of crosses and I must say I have had much help carrying all my crosses throughout my life thus far.
What I attempt to write now, my dear reader is only a feeble attempt to try to explain, to try to pen my thoughts on this one central theme, Quid est caritas? What is love (charity)? Why do I say feeble? It is because I am a mere nothing, trying to articulate this great and infinite mystery, of which I feel I am actually incapable of expressing myself in words and lines that will really befit it.
As I was saying, I seem to want to write this – in fact, my fingers and my brain have been aching to start typing, but I need to get it all nicely planned out first, before I mess up what I really intend to say. Dear me, I really am a little nag and I have been wasting your time. I have wasted half a page without actually writing what I intended to write. :) Whoops.
I’m now just back to writing this, one week after writing the first 4 paragraphs. It will come out soon, most definitely – once I get my work all sorted out and once Chinese New Year is over and done with. There have been too many holidays lately (whoops). The Christmas goodies haven’t been completely eaten up yet and there’s new Chinese New Year stuff to eat. Plus it’s Lent. There’s much to complain. :)Let me bring you to a situation I found myself facing yesterday. It’s CNY and its Friday – and there are loads (and I mean loads) of wonderful, terribly wondrous tasting kuehs and cakes, pineapple tarts, prawn rolls and the worst of it all, the yummy bak kwa or roasted pork. It was a tempting spread. Something that I will have to fight with, throughout this whole Lent, especially the oily, super duper finger licking good shiny roasted pork that is so sweet, so tempting. I have a penchant for eating. So when I say I fight with myself during Lent, I mean it. Boo.
Now, why then do we do all these fasting and abstinence? There’s only one simple reason.
It’s because we love.
Deus propitius esto mihi peccatori.
Jesus, Mary, I love Thee; Save Souls!
Jesu mitis et humilis corde, Fac cor nostrum secundum Cor tuum. (ter)